Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
