don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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