I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize