porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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