I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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