she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
