We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
