i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I touched a dick in church today
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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