people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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