Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Two words: blizzard sex
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
