I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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