I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
