so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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