Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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