he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
