will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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