Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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