i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Of course I have a pirate flag
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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