I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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