Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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