just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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