I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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