is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
