honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
