This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
