This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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