All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize