piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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