i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
