I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
