we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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