john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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