Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
