That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
