just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
