glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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