i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
