apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize