Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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