he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
