I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
