just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
