Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
