this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
they call him Oral-B. enough said
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
