Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
