guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
