No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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