How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
