Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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