how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize