I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
