But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
