i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize