Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
