You just made me feel so damn special
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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