That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
what day is it and did you see me today?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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