I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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