no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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