took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
