those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
