For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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