so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
