I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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