I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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