So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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