I just cut my nipple shaving
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
