so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
