Barsexuality is the new black.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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