At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
