don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my being single is dangerous.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
