yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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