You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
