I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
