he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
