He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize