I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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