Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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