If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
