Betty ford says i'm here all night
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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