I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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