make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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