i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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