people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
