I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
