You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
