It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
