Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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