I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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