I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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