So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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