I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
