Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
