I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
