And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
