I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize