god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
