Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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