I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
