in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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