I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
