He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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