I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
