Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
