Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
