Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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