When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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