Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
