Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
