Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
