i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
